I think I won the penis lottery.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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