Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
