If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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