I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
