Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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