great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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