like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
