he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
