I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
