You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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