i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
