Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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