he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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