We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
