party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
