she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
