Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
