i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
