Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
