You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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