Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
