i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
