Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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