I cannot find my penis.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
