If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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