Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
