I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
