a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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