youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
