I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
