There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize