last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
