let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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