nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
