Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
