Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
