I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
