**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
