are you so shy because you have an std?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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