my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
