U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
