What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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