he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
