My room smells like vodka and shame
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
