I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
