you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
