mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
