someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
