the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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