Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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