wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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