Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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