I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
