how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
