just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
