I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
