plz talk dirty to me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
