You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
