be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
