dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
