he thought i was a dude.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
