Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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