Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
