I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
