Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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