he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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