3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
