After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
