And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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