i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
