A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
