Don't make out with my wife yet
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize