If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
