careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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