I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
