planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
